It Works If You Work It Because You Are Worth It

I would like to share with you a few pages out of Melody Beattie's 'Language of Letting Go'.

It was something that really helped me in my early stages of recovery while I was trying to fix my relationship at the same time as fixing myself.

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Letting Go Of Those Not In Recovery

We can go forward with our life and recoveries, even though someone we love is not yet recovering.

Picture a bridge. On one side of the bridge it is cold and dark. We stood there with others in the cold and darkness, doubled over in pain. Some of us developed an eating disorder to cope with the pain. Some drank; some used other drugs. Some of us lost control of our sexual behaviour. Some of us obsessively focused on addicted people's pain to distract us from our own pain. Many of us did both: we developed an addictive behaviour, and distracted ourselves by focusing on other addicted people. We did not know there was a bridge. We thought we were trapped on a cliff.

Then, some of us got lucky. Our eyes opened, by the Grace of God, because it was time. We saw the bridge. People told us what was on the other side: warmth, light, and healing from our pain. We could barely glimpse or imagine this, but we decided to start the trek across the bridge anyway.

We tried to convince the people around us on the cliff that there was a bridge to a better place, but they wouldn't listen. They couldn't see it; they couldn't believe. They were not ready for the journey. We decided to go alone, because we believed, and because people on the other side were cheering us onward. The closer we got to the other side, the more we could see, and feel, that what we had been promised was real. There was light, warmth, healing, and love. The other side was a better place.

But now, there is a bridge between us and those on the other side. Sometimes, we may be tempted to go back and drag them over with us, but it cannot be done. No one can be dragged or forced across this bridge. Each person must go at his or her own choice, when the time is right. Some will come; some will stay on the other side. The choice is not ours.

We can love them. We can wave to them. We can holler back and forth. We can cheer them on, as others have cheered and encouraged us. Be we cannot make them come over with us.

If our time has come to cross the bridge, or if we have already crossed and are standing in the light and warmth, we do not have to feel guilty. It is where we are meant to be. We do not have to go back to the dark cliff because another's time has not yet come.

The best thing we can do is stay in the light, because it reasures others that there is a better place. And if others ever do decide to cross the bridge, we will be there to cheer them on.

Today, I will move forward with my life, despite what others are doing or not doing. I will know it is my right to cross the bridge to a better life, even if I must leave others behind to do that. I will not feel guilty, I will not feel ashamed. I know that where I am now is a better place and where I am meant to be.

And one more:

You Are Lovable

We go back...and back...and back...through the layers of fear, shame, rage, hurt, and negative incantations until we discover the exuberant, unencumbered, delightful, and lovable child that was, and still is, in us.

You are lovable. Yes, you.

Just because people haven't been there for you, just because certain people haven't been able to show love for you in ways that worked, just because relationships have failed or gone sour does not mean that you're unlovable.

You've had lessons to learn. Sometimes, those lessons have hurt.
Let go of the pain. Open your heart to love.

You are lovable.

You are loved.

Today, I will tell myself I'm lovable. I will do this until I believe it.

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Sometimes all we need is to listen to what works for others. My addiction counsellor reads from Melody's book. I listened to every word and then bought my own copy. I read from it on a daily basis. I also started reading the Bible and going to a Women's Bible Study once a week. (One of the facilitator's just happens to be my friend and sponsor.) I also go to Church and try to get to at least three 12 step meetings a week.

My spiritual sponsor encouraged me to do the steps, stay out of relationships for at least a year, grow a plant, go to 90 meetings in 90 days, listen with both ears and don't leave until the miracle happens.

Anything is possible........the power is already inside you.