We Never Stop Learning

I learned something again last night. I will never stop learning because there is far too much in this life to learn.

And sometimes I forget what I learned yesterday which makes today difficult to live in. I remembered on my way to CA last night that I forgot to hurt. I don't forget to hurt the physical pain because I can feel it but I forgot to embrace the pain of the emotional hurt and that is what is stopping me from moving on.

I keep thinking about this man who hurt me. The one they told me to stay away from is the one I decided to get close too. I got hurt by him and walked away with only a scratch but my heart is still hurting. On my way home from the meeting last night I remembered what I have been taught.

Embrace the feelings and pour out the emotions and then let it go because if you don't, you will not be able to forgive and move on. Instead, I decided to forgive first so I didn't have to feel hurt and in so doing I wasn't able to move on. I found myself constantly thinking about this man and worrying about what he is doing and putting myself in a place where I can confront him.

God's message to me came through loud and clear yesterday. My telephone kept showing message waiting but there wasn't any new messages so I finally decided to clear the old ones. The first voice I heard was my ex husband telling me how he can't handle anything anymore, (the same pour me syndrome as always), the next voice I heard was this 'man' who hurt me and it really hit me harder than I ever would have expected.

The message was from a couple of months ago and it was enough to send shivers down my spine. I was in a state of shock. I skipped to the next message and it was him again! This time long winded and as I listened to his voice I was able to bring forward those feelings of hurt that I didn't embrace. I didn't erase it. I skipped to the next message and it was my Dad. The message he left me when he was on his way from the hotel to my house. His voice said that he was on his way and he would see me soon.

I cried when I hung up the phone. I released all those emotions of hurt and then I listened to the messages again and erased the hurt with the message. That was the moment that I remembered I needed to feel the feelings in order to let him go. I feel so much more at peace today. I left the message from Dad because I WILL see him soon. He has been a big part of my recovery and has always been a big part of my life even though thousands of miles have separated us.

I am learning to enjoy where I am in life while I get to where I am going. God has good plans for me and I will have patience while He works it out for me.