Listen To What You Hear

This evening I had a chance to sit on the other side.

I had a chance to chair tonights meeting. It was a different experience. Instead of sitting in the room and listening to the other addicts share their experience and think about what I wanted to share with them, I was sitting at the head of the table and leading the meeting. From this perspective I was able to listen to everyone and get the most out of being there.

Instead of looking at the floor or across the room I had a chance to look at everyone because they are looking at me. This is a big step in recovery. When I first started to come to the meetings I was shy and even though I needed to tell my story I had a hard time looking at anyone so I would choose to look at the floor or the ceiling.

That is the wonderful miracle about these rooms. We are all so different yet still so much alike. When I see the newcomer, I see myself now. I stayed after the meeting to chat with some of the people that attend regularly. Some of them are my friends and others are simply a voice to listen to.

I had a chance to laugh with them and let them tell me in not so many words, 'I told you so'. They were the ones that have been there from the start suggesting that I stay out of relationships. The kind of relationships that lead to intimacy.

I didn't listen to them. I decided to figure it out the hard way. I learned the hard way. I am grateful that these rooms are here for me. I keep coming back and I keep learning something new. The guy I attempted to have a relationship with is not coming back to the rooms. Not yet anyway. I pray that one day he will. That is all I can do for him or any other addict who is stuck in the darkness.

The best advice I had from my sponsor last night was this: 'you don't need a man to define who you are'

The best advice I had from my physchiatrist was this: 'when you can take responsibility for your actions you will not be a victim anymore'

When I was ready to listen to what I was hearing I started doing it. Get a sponsor, go to meetings, do your steps. It works!