Life Is Not A Dress Rehearsal

I am learning the importance of being in the rooms of recovery.

I have been clean and sober for almost four months now. I see how important it is to the newcomer who arrives with so many thoughts and feelings and emotions.

Confused, angry, lonely, scared and weak. Just like I was. They all told me what to expect and what works and what doesn't work. I chose to listen to what I wanted to and do things my way because I didn't trust anyone.

I am grateful that I started to listen to them. I am grateful that newcomers stay around so I can share my experience, strength and hope so maybe more of us can be saved from the clutches of darkness.

Days used to go by so fast when I was in active addiction. Now time goes by so much slower. Those keytags that represent clean time are a real reward to hold in my hand. It isn't what gives me strength to survive but it shows my family something real.

My strength to survive comes from faith within my heart and soul because of my Higher Power - God. He gives me what I need and all I have to do is thank Him and ask Him for what I need. I feel like a different person now.

I feel very sad when I see how hard people struggle to survive and stay free from active addiction. It breaks my heart to see them give up and go back out.

I have gotten to know a lot of people since I have been around here and I have already seen so many leave the rooms because they lost the light. Some may be back soon, others may not be back. Jails, Institutions or Death? We only get one chance to live this life. Rarely do we get another chance to make the right choice.

I choose Institutions. I am going into a treatment center. They might have a bed for me next Friday. I will not let this addiction win. Follow me to a better life.

God, take my will and my life and show me how to live clean. Just for today allow me to touch the hearts of those still suffering.

PS: (I am typing these blogs with a really screwed up finger. It still hurts. It is still swollen. It is still bent. But you are worth it!)