Yesterday Is Getting Clearer

I know I have only been recovering for about six months but I can already start to look back with a clearer picture of yesterday.

I had a wonderful opportunity to listen tonight at a speaker meeting. There is a drug awareness week going on around Southern Alberta and I had a chance to partake in that. I heard a story again tonight that I heard about four months ago when I first came here.

This person has ten years clean and sober. He works at a treatment center and also a detox center. He has made a huge impact on my recovery because some of the things he said tonight helped me to remember what he had said before. I am grateful that this person had an impact on my being asked to leave the treatment center I was in at that time.

At that time I was in treatment I really wasn't ready to be there. I still knew everything and someone else needed to be there more than me. I was more interested in dressing pretty to impress my boyfriend. The boyfriend I shouldn't have had at that time. I am grateful for the boyfriend too. He was a good teacher for me. We taught each other a lot of things and we fell into the early recovery relationship trap.

I would rather work on him then work on me. I would rather save him then save me. I don't have a problem. He has the problem and I am going to save him. It feels as good as being on drugs to be in a relationship. It is hard to stay out of those relationships but if we listen to the old timers they can help.

They know because they have been there. It starts off beautifully until one day old habits come out and we begin to self sabatoge because we don't really know how to deal with anything except having sex. Sex always makes it all better. We will stay clean together and maybe hit a few meetings but we won't call anyone anymore because we are too busy having sex and not working on our steps.

Sound familiar? It happens. Rarely do we see a successful relationship in early recovery. It can lead to one or both turning back to drinking or drugging or both because feelings start to get stuffed and then it burns.

This person at the meeting tonight shared a story about his highschool sweetheart who he was going to marry. She was a needle junkie who decided to clean up. It worked for her. She did everything she needed to do always until one day after thirty seven years clean and sober she became complacent. Work, life, kids, husband, meetings all became unneccessary for her so she stopped. So did her heart stop beating after she stuck that needle in one more time.

It can so easily be taken away from us if we let our guard down. Focus on your recovery and become aware that once the addiction has been addressed it is always there. It will always tell you that one more time won't hurt. It might kill you but it might not hurt you. It might kill you and it will hurt your family and the people close to you.

Don't give up hope. It can be conquered. Stick to the program. Talk to people who know. It isn't a game. There is a reason we have this program called recovery. It works.

Stay out of that relationship you are so dying to be in. It might still be there when you are ready to have it. If it is meant to be it because the best is yet to come.