Is Anyone Listening To Me?

Wow! What an amazing experience it is to be sitting in a meeting for recovering alcoholics and addicts.

I am a part of something spectacular and it feels warm and welcoming to have that kind of bond with people who have at least one thing in common. We are addicts. We are recovering from the disease of addiction and we need each other to begin the journey.

This disease affects my feelings. I am hurt and I don't want to have to feel the pain so I cover it up with drugs. I didn't realize how much I was hurting until I stopped using drugs. Now I am finding life a lot easier to live because I know that I have those emotions.

During my marriage I spent day after day bursting inside because I had so much to say and I was never able to spit it out. I had so much guilt and shame for the mistakes that I made and so much hurt inside from the mistakes that my husband made. I didn't want to feel that hurt or guilt so using drugs was a way to escape the real world.

I felt like a little child stomping my feet and screaming inside. Does anyone hear me? Why won't you listen to me? Can't you see that I am hurting inside?

When I came to NA for the first time I was blown away by the information I received. I wasn't alone. There are others out there who are going through the same thing I am.

I am finding through my recovery that there is a person inside of me who has a great amount of wisdom and knowledge that can be used to help others. That is why I am blogging. I want you to know that there is a way to recover. It is simple but it takes a lot of work. Come out to a meeting and listen. We are normal folks who have found another way to deal with pain and hurt. We are addicts. We choose to drink or use drugs to hide from ourselves.

We have now found another way to live. One day at a time. One feeling at a time. It is possible to recover from addiction but once we do there is no turning back. We can choose to live or we can choose to die.

I choose to live.